Alright you smooth brain degenerates, here’s some shit I’ve learned along the way which probably wont help you but if it even remotely helps one of you, then I have achieved the goal of this post. To quote that old guy: price is what you pay, value is what you get. But how do I value a company? I’ve seen it posted a bunch of times. Its more of an art than science, so let’s discuss this dark art. It constantly boggles my mind at how many cunts dive into buying shares but do not even attempt at trying to think of a realistic valuation, backed up by some sort of financial measure. “What price should I exit at” is almost the equivalent of setting off on a road trip before you have decided on a destination. I accept this view could, and should, evolve over time so asking the question in itself is not unreasonable provided you have your own view. I know this is a casino and this shit is irrelevant for gambling but I’ll continue regardless. One thing I also see a lot of which I’d like to debunk is the concept of a $5 share price being “cheaper” than a $6 one. Companies, at IPO or any time afterwards, can make their share price whatever they want. A market cap of $100m with 100m shares gives a SP of $1. If they issue less shares, the share price goes up, and the company’s equity value has not changed. Likewise when you do a stock split / consolidation you can adjust the per share price without changing the market cap. If this doesn’t make sense, get off this sub and do not invest in anything until you grasp this, seriously. The concept of “cheapness” comes from the amount of cashflows you expect to receive for a given price. As Wu-Tang told us; C.R.E.A.M. literally all we care about is cashflow, so keep that in mind when you’re thinking about future value as well. Before I launch into valuation, there needs to be a high-level understanding of the difference between equity value (share price, market cap) and firm/enterprise value (market cap + net debt). You should also adjust firm value for minorities and associates, but let’s keep this as simple as possible. This is relevant when looking at ratios. The other thing to understand is: valuation (and therefore share price) is a forward-looking beast. If you imagine the hypothetical situation where a company announces a record earnings year in conjunction with a plan to cease all operations, share price would obviously tank – no one gives two fucks that they had a record year if they are closing next year. Let’s dive in. Broadly, there are two valuation methods: fundamental and relative. Fundamental: Few of ways to do this, but main one you’ll see finance cucks talk about is a DCF. This is all about calculating the NPV of future expected cashflows. People shy away from these because they think they are hard. DCFs aren’t complicated, but there are a shitload of subjective assumptions that go into them which, unless you’re prepared to think at a highly granular level about, these aren’t worth the paper they are written on. IRR is just the discount rate required to achieve a NPV of 0. There’s other ways like dividend discount models but they require stable AF dividends to work. Relative: This is referring to multiples like P/E, EV/EBITDA, PEG, EV/FCF, P/sales etc etc. These are quick and dirty and will give an answer in seconds. They’re only truly useful when comparing similar companies. i.e “is afterpay good value compared to zip?”. Rarely will using one in isolation give you an accurate or useful view of a company. Again, no one gives a flying fuck about what historical multiples are. So, the slightly nuanced thing here is ideally you need a forward-looking number. Historical numbers usually do provide the best guide/context available for future numbers, so we can’t say they are completely irrelevant, but always have your eyes on the road ahead, not in the rear vision. Examining the P/E multiple, I touched on why historical ‘E’ could be irrelevant for major changes in operations (acquisitions, divestments etc.), but as the capital structure changes this can also impact ‘E’, so you would also need to adjust for any permanent changes in that regard. Point is, be wary of the traps in historical numbers, they’re the easiest to find but not always the most useful. Generally speaking, people aim to use a denominator as low down on the income statement as possible, as its closest to what you receive as a shareholder. EBIT and EBITDA are sometimes used as a proxy for cash. Equity markets most commonly look to NPAT (P/E), however if its loss making you might need to go to EV/EBITDA, if its capital intensive you should look at EV/EBIT. Note that you use EV as the numerator for EBIT and EBITDA for capital structure neutrality. If it’s a meme stock with no EBITDA then maybe you are looking at a sales multiple, if no sales, well, you have to have a compelling thesis as to what you are buying if they can’t sell their products to anyone else. Some are industry specific (e.g you can’t use EV/EBITDA on a bank, and you wouldn’t value BHP on a P/sales or you’ll look like an idiot pretty quickly). The higher the multiple, the more growth the company has to deliver on to justify the price. If two identical companies had different multiples, you could (sort of) fairly say that the higher one was “more expensive”. Given multiples change depending on growth (i.e in a company with positive growth, multiples decline the further you look into the future), it’s easy to then understand that these must be time sensitive. If you are comparing a multiple in 12 months time, it should only be compared with other multiples in with the same time frame. Sometimes, if you can’t be fucked doing a heap of work it can be useful to reverse the question and ask, “what do I actually need to believe for a valuation of $x to be true?”. Doubt anyone is reading by now so I’ll stop there. If there’s any interest in diving further into these concepts, shout out and I will gladly help. If all the fundamental shit gets you excited there’s a bunch of better resource out there, don’t trust reddit and go read Damoderan or something. This is a very brief intro, so before someone comments “you forgot to include bullshit method xyz that my great grandad used when he was doing a leveraged buyout of Dildos Anonymous Pty Ltd in 1969”, I’ll get in first and highlight it is not even close to being exhaustive. Peace out and stay retarded. Here’s a rocket 🚀 TLDR; boring valuation shit discussed above. Not relevant to gambling.
Forest Acquisition Corp (FRX) - Why I Like this Stock
I had been looking for another SPAC to jump into and came across Forest Acquisition Corp (FRX) on the day of the merger announcement. With SPACs, we place greater emphasis on management's proven history and trust their ability to invest in a potentially growing and profitable business. FRX has a strong management team with proven experience in expanding digital platforms such as Disney+, ESPN+ and Hulu. We all have seen how fast those platforms have grown over the last few years with increased viewership and growing revenues along those segments. With the growing demand for health and wellness, I can see why they have chosen to invest in this industry given the success Pelaton ($43b) has had along with the limited number of true competitors in the industry. Along with former Disney and TikTok executives, I also came across Fertitta Capital. Who are they you ask? Lorenzo Fertitta: Former CEO of UFC In addition to owning a stake in Red Rock Resorts Inc. which own 21 casinos across three (3) states, Lorenzo and his brother acquired the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) in 2001 for $2M. As the CEO of UFC, Lorenzo worked with governors across the states to authorize competitive martial arts, that resulted in the success and growth of UFC over 15 years. In 2016, the brother's sold their shares for $4B and Lorenzo has since launched his own private investment firm (Fertitta Capital) that has returned an IRR of 31.8% since 1993! He's shown his ability over the years in identifying potential markets and capitalizing on the opportunity, so his investment in this merger speaks volumes. I am super bullish given the amount of potential in the online fitness industry. I think we will continue seeing growth in the home fitness department even post covid as people work from home. You have seasoned veterans who have proven over the years how they can grow subscribership to increase recurring revenues. Coupled with MYX who produces some solid hardware, I can see consumers deciding to opt for them instead of the 2-3 month lead time with Peloton. FRX only recently closed their financing deal in Q4 2020 so they are showing strong confidence in the industry by deploying that capital so soon. Lastly, I understand a lot of people's concerns given Beachbody's sale practices, but that's the reason why the merger is priced at only $2.9B. If you believe in management's ability to revamp their current online model and couple the synergies with MYX there's definite upside to this investment. We all know this industry is only going to continue growing and if Peloton can be valued at $43B.... The stock is still priced relatively close to NAV so the downside is minimal when compared to the potential upside. 1700+ shares and looking to acquire more prior to merger. Holding until at least $20+
BLUF: Is there a "statute of limitations" for charging someone leave? Is there a time limit for S1 to file my leave paperwork to get me charged for leave? I took HBL and a few other short instances of leave, but haven't been charged at all so far. I am trying to figure out how many I still have to burn for use/lose this year. If I don't get charged, I'll hit use/lose and then my unit has to answer for it. If I use too many, then I'll be burning days I don't really need to just to not come to work, when I may want them for something fun. I'm still not sure if S1 shredded it as a favor, lost it by accident and it ended up shredded, or if is sitting in some folder waiting to hit me when I don't want it to (like after the fiscal year changeover, when I have to fight with DFAS to get the days back since they were used before the FY use/lose cutoff). Link to Comment Chain I'm a stupid private that sucks at putting the carbine bar on the qualification badge. What's the best way of doing this? Link to Comment Chain Reservist at the end of my first contract. I'm currently an E-4 and am finishing BLC at the end of the summer, with my ETS being early next year and my two years of IRR time beginning. My two options I'm considering is reclassing to a 35 series MOS or just cutting loose and being done with the army. My question is should I reenlist before my ETS date so I can reclass or should I just slip into the IRR and reclass/reenlist from the IRR. I still do not know which choice I'm going to make, but I'd like some advice on which is a safer option that would avoid me getting stuck somewhere without an MOS. I also don't know if I should avoid a board since I've heard that getting AIT dates for E-5+ is much harder than E-4 and below. Link to Comment Chain If I enlist with a bachelors degree what rank pay will I enter as? Link to Comment Chain How do I break it to my mom that I want to enlist? Link to Comment Chain I'm out of AIT and Ive seen on here previously and have been told that echo 551 at Fort Gordon is the worst company ever. I didn't think it was the worst thing Ive been through but yeah it was kinda bad. Does Echo's reputation precede it everywhere and or has it changed? Link to Comment Chain My recruiter missed a deadline to put my packet in for OCS. Anybody else have this happen? I guess I technically didn't submit one so I can try again next month. Link to Comment Chain If I go as a 68W, am I qualified as a civilian paramedic after my contract? or am I just a basic civilian EMT? Link to Comment Chain I just went to a recruiting office today. I am interested in joining the reserves. I meet all qualifications and even have a bachelor's degree and finished with a 3.5 GPA. I feel like I was getting pushed to be enlisted instead of officer. The benefits of being an officer plus my friend currently enlisted in the Army says it is probably best to try and get in as Officer so I feel like that makes the most sense. Any insight you all could provide or questions you have would greatly help! Link to Comment Chain Hey guys. I have a question regarding a pre-RASP training program. I am currently 15, hope to make it into West Point, and then try for the regiment. Any tips? Link to Comment Chain Which days do you guys go to the gym? Mon Wed and Fri are the days most people take, and they’re run days for me, but I really don’t feel like doing muscle failures at PT the day after the gym. At the same time, if I do even days, my unit will pull a fuck you and decide to go to the gym for PT. Link to Comment Chain I'm interesting in joining the National Guard in the next few years but need to get a waiver for a JFY separation code + 2C reentry code. I was ELS-ed for adjustment disorder from the Air Force, but never sought treatment and was never suicidal. I spoke to a recruiter and explained my situation and they were willing to work with me, but I need to get a note from a doctor saying that I'm in good mental health and I'm fit for service. This is the issue I've run into. I initially spoke with a mental health team but they were unable to give me a bill of clean health as they only do treatment and medication management, which is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I'm going to speak to my GP next, but I doubt they will feel comfortable writing that letter. What are my options for a medical note for this waiver? Do I have to pay a few thousand out of pocket for a mental health evaluation from an independent doctor? I would prefer not to but if it's my only option I will. What exactly are recruiters/MEPS medical staff looking for document-wise for the waiver I need? Link to Comment Chain People who are in for long periods of time, how do you prevent the Army from consuming your life? Link to Comment Chain I am in the Delayed Entry Program on an 09S contract. Can I cancel this contract and if so, how long would it take? Link to Comment Chain Good afternoon folks... I had a question in regards to re-enlisting as prior service while using the gi bill... what happens if you’re in class and you go back in the army? Does that count as you dropping the classes and having to pay back? Link to Comment Chain Can you get out of your reenlistment before it starts? Link to Comment Chain When I go to a recruiter and I am dead-set on what I want to do (31D CID Special Agent), what are the best on-topic questions to get the most information? And also (this is a very dumb question) when you go to MEPS and get medically checked is there time between then and when you sign your contract, or is that all done in the same day/weekend? Link to Comment Chain Could I take online classes during AIT? I’m planning to take some time off of school to join army NG as a 68W. I’m already somewhat behind on my graduation and so I was wondering if would be stupid to sign up for online classes then. Has anyone had experience with taking online classes during AIT? Thanks! Link to Comment Chain Going to talk to recruiter about joining this week, really will only consider if I can get job in medical (not medic). Preferably ultrasound, X-ray, phys therapy etc. I know they’re good at hustling you into other things etc. going with my brother who is pretty high rank and has been in for 10+ year My question is, does anyone have any experience in these jobs who are willing to share that experience, or if anyone has any suggestions on other medical jobs. Also to be honest I am willing, but would prefer to not see combat, what are the chances in theses types of positions? Thank you Link to Comment Chain So I'm 23 and might end up finishing my contract by the time I'm 27. Haven't finished college and my MOS is 68W. what kind of jobs will be available for me when I get out of service? So far I have: -EMT -Police Officer -Park Ranger (Not that great but I love the outdoors) I'm thinking of going back to college and getting my degree after I get out, but I don't how likely it'll be for me to get hired since I'll be 31 when I graduate. Link to Comment Chain Howdy folks, I'm leaving for basic in 2 days and I had a few questions concerning what to bring and if the Army changed their phone policy. My recruiter told me to bring my social security card, my license, and my debit card which I all have but I've been seeing everywhere to bring a paper for my bank info. I asked my recruiter and he said I didnt need it and I'm confused whether I need that document or not, I'm going in as a reserve soldier and I've gone through my in-processing and I'm on the "payroll" for my unit but I dont know if it applies to my situation or not. Also regarding the phone policy at basic, my gf kept telling me that she googled it and apparently recruits can get their phones for a brief period of time on Sunday nights with my father saying the same as well. My recruiter said he doesnt know for certain because he doesnt know details like that, I'll be fine without it but I was curious if this was true or not. Thanks in advance for any and all replies. Link to Comment Chain What is a normal/common day in an Afghanistan-deployment as a 68W like? Assuming I'm assigned to a combat/infantry unit Link to Comment Chain Hello reddit, I’m a civilian who is currently trying to make tape so to go to MEPS, take asvab, etc. I have done extensive research on this site as well as others, but would like direct opinions about what my options/routes. A little background info: Age: 26 Wt: 230 lbs (need 197 lbs or 3 in. Off waist) Criminal History: DUI-2014-21 years old. Vision: maybe correctable to 20/20, maybe not will find out at MEPS. AFQT: 79 (walked in off the street no studying) asvab should be in 90’s range after studying a bit. Employer: I deal cards in a casino in CA. Make pretty good money, have no job satisfaction. I am currently doing everything I can to make a great decision as to what my MOS will be. When I was younger (19-20) I scored really high on afqt and recruiter wanted to push intel on me. Ended up not enlisting because I thought (why enlist when I can finish school and commission duh), but life doesn’t always pan out how we expect. I have enough units to enter as a PFC, which is nice since I’m older. I always wanted to join the military, and now that I’m getting older I’m trying to make the leap before it’s too late. My main questions are: What MOS would you recommend for someone in my position? I’ll need waivers for my DUI, and actually can’t do most of the cool MOS because I can’t get a TS clearance and possible vision requirements. Secret maybe, but also maybe not. I’m very interested in an opt 40 contract, but I have worries I won’t be able to get in the shape I’ll need in BCT or OSUT to hack it, any opinions in regard to this? My mind is telling me to go support or look at an MOS that translates to civ world, but my hearts wants to go infantry. I am 26 and worried I’ll be too old to be able to do the grunt life. Is this true or am I overthinking it? Also will having high ASVAB scores do anything for me in infantry? Does it make a difference? Other MOS I think are pretty cool that I QUALIFY for are: 12D, 12M, 19D, 68W, 88K.....these are pretty much what I can qualify for out the gate. Can’t do anything cool such as: 31K, 35series, 37series, 38series. Those would be my top, but I can’t because of DUI. Basically what are the best options for me based on my pros/cons? Lastly at 26 possibly 27 would you recommend 3 or 4 year commitment? P.S. was also planning on trying to go tacp with AF but for some reason the army appeals to me more. Can’t tell you why. Thank you in advance for you time P.P.S. Day 1 reddit user, posting is incredibly more difficult than anticipated. Idek if I’m able to post since I’m so new, so if I double post I apologize. Link to Comment Chain My husband is considering joining the army reserves and I’ve heard of some really violent things happening during basic training (please hold the machine gun beating jokes) such as hazing and stuff like that. Is this an actual problem? Not sure why I’m getting down voted for being worried about my husband :( Link to Comment Chain I passed my Asvab, and I'm trying to get into 36B Army Active Duty, but we have been trying for weeks now, and such MOS does not ever seem to populate, is that normal? Apart from bugging my recruiter, is there anything i can do? Link to Comment Chain Anyone read more in depth on the new changes for 600-8-19 (beyond the summary of changes on page 1) ? Link to Comment Chain Can a SPC pin another SPC his SGT? When I get promoted I want my best friend to pin me and because I’m probably gonna end up getting mine before him just due to points somewhere down the road, I was curious is this was okay, I know to a degree it’s considered bad juju but I’m curious Link to Comment Chain Couldn't find a straight answer, would going on accutane make me non-deployable or otherwise affect my deployability? Link to Comment Chain I'm switching my contract to active. I'm deciding between 35M option 40, or 11X. I got a 96 on the ASVAB, and I'm a recent college graduate. I hated college mainly because everyone there was so depressed and anxious all the time, had 0 adventure in them unless it meant sitting, drinking in the dorms. I also hated being chained to a desk desk for up to 48 hours some semesters. I hated the ineffectiveness of everything, and I'm looking for a change. I really just want to be part of an effective team with high spirits and make my living with sunlight and nature around me. My heart says 11/18X, but I'm very interested in HumInt stuff, as well as the Special Operations groups. I also found a 35M contract that I have on reserve for me that has airborne, RASP, a good bonus, & DLI; almost too good to pass up. I've been reading around, and the general consensus seems to be: Infintry = proud, love their jobs, deployments are actually more boring than garrison life. SF = Love their job, get the best of everything, good luck getting in. HumInt = garrison life is absolute hell, deployment is amazing and you do the absolute coolest stuff. If you were either 11X or 35M, please verify these pros and cons, maybe explain some others, and give an overall review of a guy trying to avoid desk work. Link to Comment Chain I want to commission and work with UAS. Which branch will offer me more of this opportunity? I was MI before and we had MI PLs for a UAS platoon in our MICO, but I’ve heard that aviation officers mainly oversee UAS. Any insight? Link to Comment Chain Currently a Poole in the marine corps. I’ve been in the DEP for 3 months, I have supposedly had 3 ship dates the last 2 months and everything keeps changing, haven’t been offered a job contract, etc. When I finally thought I was getting a job, I went to meps and they said I failed the depth perception test... I am ready to go and the marines seem to be fooling around. At this point I want to join the army and get a job that I actually want... How long would this take and is this possible? Also I really want 31E and I don’t qualify for the MOS in the marines, is it different for the army? Link to Comment Chain Having dug through:AR 40-501 and having spent 2-3 weeks researching these questions I want to ask a question to a larder audience. Not using you guys as an easy tool. Any advice or tools would be greatly appreciated. Long story short I want to go Airborne like my father-Grand-and Great Grandfather. Annoyingly I am partially colorblind. A lot of what i’m about to say comes as advice from my Father who was career guy/ also a recruiter at one point. Simply, I can tell the difference between Red/Green stop lights easily (vivid Reds and Greens), but I fail horribly at Pip. For people who fail colorblind tests I know I know the Falant exists but saying I fail that aswell, MEPs (according to AR 40-501) is supposed to offer a Vivid G test. As with my cousin who was not offered this, I hear they just like to fail someone and push then along. My father’s advice was to raise hell until allowed to take the G vivid test, he said in the 90s it was the only way to get Meps to actually do anything. My question is: is this the correct way to go about Meps? Is it really the only way to secure a vivid G test if not offered, is there anyway to ask for the test beforehand? If possible I would like not to make the days/lives of the Meps personnel any harder. I understand if I was black/white colorblind not being allowed into jump school, but I can see G and being disqualified because I wasn’t given a chance to prove what I can see seems wrong. I grew up listening to stories of Paratroopers from Korea-Iraq from family and it is all I have ever wanted to do, it means the world to me. If it seems I am entitled I do not mean to come off that way, it is only that i’ve had the last 9 years fixated on this goal. Link to Comment Chain Is there an MOS thats related to computer engineering, computer Science or cyber Security where you don't need a TS Security Clearance? Link to Comment Chain I am 27 years old. I exercise in the mornings. I have a bachelor's degree and a juris doctorate degree and over $150,000 in student loans. I feel like I need a reset on my financial and professional life. I feel like I need to grow more as a person before practicing law, if that's even what I want to do. I feel like I don't know who I am or what I really want to do. I feel like a clean slate and think the army could mold me into a proper and good man. I've grown complacent in my daily life and have never really traveled. I want to work with teams and to be a part of something bigger than myself or some law practice. Is the army a good fit for me? Will I be able to put my JD to use, perhaps as a paralegal? (I am aware of JAG but do not want to do that - I really wasn't the best student in law school) Additionally, I believe I will find and develop a far greater sense of honor and professionalism in the army than what I've seen among the legal community. Thank you for your time to whoever may answer. Link to Comment Chain Do 15E’s get trained on all platforms in AIT or are they split up and trained specifically on either the gray eagle or shadows? Team leader here with a soldier who is trying to reclassify to 15E and he couldn’t find any good info online and he asked me if I knew the answer to the above question. As an 11B I have no clue. I searched older reddit posts on the aviation world and 15E’s but haven’t found much up to date information. Any info is appreciated. Thanks Link to Comment Chain In MEPS, do they do blood and urine drug test or is it just urine and blood is for hiv and std? Just wondering because I work out on a daily and do take supplements from gnc. Link to Comment Chain To go in as a E3 in the army you need 48 college credits or more right? Link to Comment Chain Q: Anyone know when the OCS Slot dates are for 2019 / 2020? Direct Commissioning, so I still have to do Basic/OCS back-to-back. Link to Comment Chain Alright guys I’m still a civilian but I’m starting the process of enlightenment, I’m 25 bout to be 26 im pretty much hitting the restart button on my life and so I went to the recruiters took a pre-qualifier or that’s what they told me, got a 35 but my GT was a 90 so we are going over job and apparently I’m able to enlist as a 35P I don’t understand how my recruiter said not everyone gets offered it but idk if he was just trying to get me to sign up, and I’m also 4 College credits away from going in as a E-2 and he informed me once I pass basic I’ll be a E-3 or E-4 can’t remember at the moment, but what he told me was to take the job do my 2yr enlistment the re-enlist go into the Green to Gold program and come out as a warrant officer, so basically what I’m asking is, is he lying to me or is he actually looking out for me? Sorry if it sounds confusing I’m a kinda of a idiot... Link to Comment Chain Note: I initially posted this but it got removed. Sorry Im still kinda new to reddit oof. But please read below! I hope this time I corrected my mistake... I just wanted advice for Basic Training. I leave tomorrow to Fort Jackson. A little bit about myself, I'm a 17 year old female and love to make art and play video games. I joined the Army because Im the oldest in my family and I want to set the path for the young females in my family. I especially want to chip away this idea that, females don't belong in the Army especially Muslims (my family including me are Muslim). In addition, I want to better myself and get away from my toxic academic life. Junior year of high school was extremely rough for me academically and yet I somehow survived. I go to one of the most academically vigorous high schools in the nation and you can ask any student, our lives are all academics, academics, academics. How does this correlate with basic training? Well I am not even close to being physically active because of the academics and standardized tests (SAT, ACT). Yes, I take full responsibility for not prioritizing my well being and excersise which is why I'm hoping the army will help set me straight. I can't do a single push up, sit ups I'm decent at, running is a no go (I've just been jogging after school to home which is approx 2 miles, I have to get some practice in there somehow). The last thing I want to do is give up, I'm fully determined to get through with this no matter what. Do you lovely people have any tips or advice? I know the army is meant for athletic people and I'm probably going to be the odd one out and be behind everyone else in terms of physical characteristics. but I will honor anything from you guys from experiences, tips, advice and especially motivation. Quite honestly, I just want to escape from academics and build myself up. I don't want to be just book smart I want to be street smart. I would rather push my self hard the Army way not through academics. Thank you for reading! Link to Comment Chain I’m a 27 almost 28 and always wanted to join the military. I always envied people who had the courage to fight and kind of felt guilty I never joined. I’ve been lost with my life and career for a few years now. I work in a family business that I have no desire to join as of now due to family issues and am also in college for a BA in psychology. I hope to one day become a clinical mental health counselor. I can continue down the path I am and get my BA and a shitty psych job full time while pursuing a masters in my 30s living with my parents. Or I was considering joining, I know the military is having low recruitment numbers and I would be able to be psychically in shape, ran a business so understand the need for teamwork, and am willing to be bottom rung and earn my way. More so I’m just overwhelmed with the idea of a commitment or not sure what type of job I could theoretically receive. I’m just seeking advice on how to approach the situation. Should I speak to a recruiter and ask them and take the test to see where I stand, should I just keep doing my research. I always dreamed of working in some sort of intelligence work or analysis of some sort. Thank you, hope to hear some constructive criticism and advice. Thank you for your service also. Link to Comment Chain Quick question, long explanation. Is there an AR or FM that covers soldiers who have been on PT profiles for a period of time? I've been on profile since the late February. I had a surgery shortly after and have been on a profile for that since. (Pilonidal Sinus I&D). I've been on a no sit up profile since then. My profile ended and I've been told I have to take the record APFT first thing Monday morning. Now I'm on leave currently and I haven't had a chance to see my doctor. Before I left I was still getting it packed and cleaned on a daily basis and will continue when I get back. I'll get the profile extension however the question burned in my mind. My first line told me the AR saying you give double the amount of time that was on the profile is no longer a requirement and/or thing. Is that true? If I wasn't getting the extension I'd be royally fucked so I was just curious. Thanks. Link to Comment Chain I know it’s a recruiters job to get people to sign up. Can they lie to you or stretch the truth? My brother wants to sign up for the reserve and has a meeting on Thursday but the whole “basic training then only one weekend a month two weeks a year” sounds too good to be true. Is he at a high risk of being sent away more than that? Link to Comment Chain
View all Steam Halloween Sale deals here! Lots of games on sale here so check your wishlists! Because it's impossible to include all deals in a single reddit post I've narrowed it down to games which are at least 75% positive reviews, at least 30 reviews, and at least 20% off. Feel free to comment your top picks! If you'd like a sortable list of all VR deals you can view this spreadsheet or this Steam search. Top Picks (based on the above filters):
It’s the end of October, and time for the hotly anticipated MAME 0.191 release. This release includes an experimental Hitachi SH3 recompiler from frequent contributor David “Haze” Haywood that shows promising performance improvements for Cave CV-1000 emulation, and holds the tantalising possibility of bringing similar gains to systems based on the SH4 in the future (including Sega NAOMI). Bug fixes to the Saturn/ST-V emulation will enhance your enjoyment of numerous Sega titles from the ’90s. There have also been some optimisations and improvements to MIPS3 and Voodoo emulation, as used in a number of 3D arcade systems. For fans of systems more often experienced at home, David Haywood also rewrote most of the Gamate emulation, taking it from mostly broken to (hopefully) best-in-class. We’ve also got some important bug fixes for the Tatung Einstein, the NEC PC-Engine console, and the M6809 CPU used by the Tandy CoCo family (among other things). Three more Tiger handhelds have been added for this release, namely Batman, Judge Dredd, and Swamp Thing. The hard limit of four emulated screens has been lifted, allowing you to plug in more video cards, more serial terminals, or just emulate systems that just have lots of screens. We’ve got some big updates to the software lists this month, with plenty of Apple II cassettes, RM Nimbus software, and over seventy new PlayStation dumps. BBC Torch floppies and Gamate cartridges are now considered working, and Kiki Inland for Gamate has been added. A number of titles that don’t require a PC/AT have been moved from the IBM 5170 list to the IBM 5150 list. There are also some nice additions to the IBM PC and Fujitsu FM Towns software. Of course, there are lots more bug fixes and newly dumped versions of emulated games. You can get the source/Windows binaries from the download page and start emulating.
MAMETesters Bugs Fixed
00759: [Misc.] (mystwarr.cpp) mtlchamp and clones: Problem with NVRAM in the RAM/ROM check after changing settings in service mode. (MetalliC)
04910: [Crash/Freeze] (pce.cpp) pce, tg16 [dslaylh, dslayedj]: No inputs and Black Screen. (Angelo Salese)
04950: [Crash/Freeze] (pce.cpp) pce [draculax]: Game freezes at start of Stage 5. (Angelo Salese)
05192: [Graphics] (pce.cpp) tg16 [airzonk]: Graphics freeze when traversing too far up the screen. (Angelo Salese)
05994: [Crash/Freeze] (pce.cpp) pce [imagef2]: Freezes before displaying title screen. (Angelo Salese)
06154: [DIP/Input] Games with a rotary positional joystick: Some positions are skipped. (Angelo Salese)
apple2_cass: Alignment Test Tone / Renumber, Alignment Test Tone / Sampler, Apple Bowl, Applesoft IIa, Applesoft ][ Floating Point BASIC / Floating Point BASIC Demo, Apple Trek, Apple-2 Trek, Apple-Vision / Biorhythms, Basic Finance I/ Penny Arcade, Brian’s Theme / Phone List, Brick out / Color Demonstration Programs, Breakout / Color Graphics, Breakout / Color Demos, Checkbook, Color Sketch / Supermath, Datamover / Telepong, High Resolution Graphics, Hangman / Color Math, Hopalong Cassidy / Lemonade Stand, Leases / Loans, Savings / Finance [Dagarman]
bbc_flop_torch: Hard Disc Utilities v4.1, Torch System Disc v1.7 [Nigel Barnes]
fmtowns_cd: Ginga Eiyuu Densetsu III SP, Gulf War Soukouden, New 3D Golf Simulation: Harukanaru Augusta, TownsPAINT V1.1L20, Video Koubou V1.3L10 [r09]
fmtowns_flop: Sweet Angel [r09]
gamate: Kiki Inland [Morten Shearman Kirkegaard, Peter Wilhelmsen]
ibm5150:
The Adventures of Captain Comic, Back to the Future Part II, Dragons of Flame, Gryzor, Loom (French), Kings of the Beach (3.5"), Leisure Suit Larry 3 (French), Le Manoir de Mortevielle (3.5"), Operation Wolf (3.5"), Out Run, Super Ski, Zombi [breiztiger]
Drakkhen, Kaypro 16 Autoload, Kaypro 16 Master Disks, Leisure Suit Larry 3, Loom (German), Manhunter - New York, Manhunter 2 - San Francisco, Police Quest II - The Vengeance, Silpheed, Space Quest II - Vohaul’s Revenge [Justin Kerk]
Amazon - Guardians of Eden, Arcade Pool, Zool 2 [ArcadeShadow]
Crash Course [breiztiger]
Sneakers Computer Press Kit [Justin Kerk]
lynx: MegaPak 1 [anonymous]
msx1_cart: Roc’n Rope [Anonymous]
nimbus: BBC BASIC V1.00a, IBM Mode Software For Nimbus PC V2.61, IBM Mode Software for Nimbus PC Rel.3, Microsoft Windows 2.03 for Nimbus PC System, Microsoft Windows 3 Standalone PC 186, Microsoft Windows ISV Toolkit Release 1.02, Microsoft Windows Release 1.02 Stand Alone, Microsoft Windows Release 1.03 Stand Alone, Microsoft Windows V2.1 Presentation Manager for Nimbus PC186, Nimbus Winchester Format Tools, Parallel Printer Driver Parallel Board For I/O Board Version V1.0G, RM BASIC V1.0F, RM LOGO V1.0D, RM Nimbus General Utility Disk, RM Nimbus PC Upgrade Disk DOS 3.1 Rel 3.10.A, RM Nimbus Sketchpad Driver V1.0B, Release Disk SetPC V2.90 IBM Mode, Steed Ver 1.4A, WordStar Rel. 3.30, XferCPM V1.0A [Nigel Barnes]
pv2000: Exciting Jockey, Real Number Basic [SSJ, Team Europe, Dustin Hubbard]
smondial2: Mephisto College Module [yoyo_chessboard]
Generate tiled layouts for systems with three or more screens (fixes crash with four or more emulated screens). [Vas Crabb]
Eliminated vestigial palette that was breaking generic terminal when it isn’t first screen. [Vas Crabb]
Improved PORT_CHAR (natural keyboard/paste/key post mapping) for US Apple IIe/IIc (thanks to Golden Child for report). [Vas Crabb]
Exposed condition for DIP switches, configuration entries, and adjusters in –listxml output. [Vas Crabb]
dynax.cpp: Fixed credits lost after exiting the game in tenkai. [Wei Mingzhi]
psx.xml: Synchronized with redump.org, adding 76 new dumps and replacing two bad dumps. [aeternal606]
gaelco.cpp: Corrected various clock speeds and added PCB layout for Biomechanical Toy. [Brian Troha]
naomi.cpp: Decapped and identified Atomiswave ‘ROMEO’ ASIC. [brizzo]
segasp.cpp: Dumped Network firmware ver 1.25. [Darksoft]
segas16b.cpp: Made some corrections to Aurail documentation. [ekorz]
gauntlet.cpp: Reinstated correct size for ‘gfx1’ ROM, which was chopped off a long time ago. [f205v]
Added PAL dumps for supbtime. [Luiskiko/jammarcade.net]
Dumped touchgo SRAM from two more boards, and used that dump to verify/correct the SRAM image. [Peter Wilhelmsen, Morten Shearman Kirkegaard, David Haywood]
Fixed zexall build target. [RandomArts]
EuroPC: Added first and last known BIOS versions. [rfka01]
taitoair.cpp: Dumped ainferno’s Controller PCB ROM. [ShouTime, The Dumping Union]
qix.cpp: Added some documentation to the qixb set. [ShouTime]
Corrected years for Final Furlong 2, Crisis Zone, Big 10, Waku Waku Doubutsu Land TonTon, Pyon Pyon Jump, and Sui Sui Pyon Pyon. [sjy96525]
pv2000.xml: Desoldered and redumped ROMs for rakugaki and excitem2. [SSJ, Team Europe, Dustin Hubbard]
Added newer version of Mephisto Academy (German) as BIOS option. [yoyo_chessboard]
Added support for multiple PORT_CHAR() bindings, and adopted in the CoCo driver. [Nathan Woods]
Created a more flexible date/time structure for use within imgtool intended to replace most usage of time_t. [Nathan Woods]
By Thomas Mann Translation by H. T. Lowe-Porter I love to call up the picture of my father as he presided at the head of the table, with his white imperial, and his belly con- fined in a white silk waistcoat. His voice was weak and sometimes he would be seized by self-consciousness and look down at his plate. Yet his enjoyment was to be read in his eyes and in his shining red face. "C'est épatant," he would say. "Parfaitement" ——and with his fingers, which curved backwards at the tips, he would give delicate touches to the table-service. My mother and sister meanwhile were abandoned to a gross and soulless gluttony, between courses flirting with their table-mates behind their fans. After dinner, when the gas-chandeliers began to be wreathed in smoke, came dancing and forfeit-playing. When the evening was advanced I used to be sent to bed; but as sleep, in that din, was out of the question, I would wrap myself in my red woollen cover- let and in this becoming disguise return to the feast, where I was received with cries of joy from all the females. Refreshments such as wine jellies, lemonade, punch, herring salad, were served in relays until the morning coffee. The dance was free and untram- melled, the games of forfeits were pretext for much kissing and caressing; the ladies bent over the backs of their chairs to give the gentlemen stimulating glimpses into the bosoms of their frocks; and the climax of the evening arrived when some humorist turned out the gas and there was a general scramble in the dark. These parties were undoubtedly the cause of the unfavourable criticism which spread about the town; but according to the reports which came to my ears it was their economic aspect that was the target for gossip. For it was only too well known that my father's business was at a desperate pass and that the dining and wining and fireworks must give it the coup de grâce. I was sensi- tive enough to feel the hostile atmosphere when I was still very young; it united, as I have said, with certain peculiarities of my own character to give me on the whole a great deal of pain. The more cordially, then, did I appreciate an incident which took place at about this time; I set it down here with peculiar pleasure. I was eight years old when my family and I spent some weeks one summer at the famous and neighbouring resort of Langen- schwalbach. My father took mud baths for his gout, and my mother and sister made themselves talked about for the size and shape of their hats. Of the society we frequented there is little good to be said. The residential class, as usual, avoided us. The better-class guests kept themselves to themselves as they usually do; and such society as we could get had not much to recommend it. Yet I like Langenschwalbach and later on often made such resorts the scene of my operations. The tranquil, well-regulated existence and the the sight of aristocratic and well-groomed people in the gardens and on the tennis courts satisfied an inward craving of my soul. But the strongest attraction of all was the daily con- cert given by a well-trained orchestra to the guests of the cure. Though I have never attained to any skill in any branch of the art I was a fanatical lover of music; even as a child I could not tear myself away from the pretty little pavilion where a becomingly uniformed band played selections and potpourris under the direc- tion of their gypsy leader. Hours on end I would crouch on the steps of that little temple of art, enchanted to my very marrow by the ordered succession of sweet sounds and watching with rap- ture every motion of the musicians as they attacked their instru- ments. In particular I was thrilled by the gestures of the violinists and when I went home I delighted my parents with an imitation performed on two sticks, one long and one short. The swinging movement of the left arm in producing a soulful tone, the soft gliding motion from one position to the next, the dexterity of the fingering in virtuoso passages and cadenzas, the fine and supple bowing of the right wrist, the cheek cuddled in such utter aban- donment to the violin——all this I succeeded in reproducing so faithfully that the family, especially my father, burst into enthu- siastic applause. And being in good spirits due to the beneficial effect of the baths, he conceived the following little joke, with the connivance of the long-haired and almost speechless little bandmaster. They bought a small cheap violin and plentifully smeared the bow with vaseline. As a rule not much attention was paid to my appearance; but now I was arrayed in a pretty sailor suit with gilt buttons and lanyard all complete, also silk stockings and shiny patent-leather shoes. And one Sunday I took my place at the side of the little conductor during the afternoon promenade concert and assisted in the performance of a Hungarian dance, doing with my violin and my vaselined bow what I had done with my two sticks. My success was tremendous. The public, gentle and simple, streamed up from all sides and assembled before the pa- vilion to look at the infant prodigy. My pale face, my utter absorp- tion in my task, the lock of hair falling over my brow, my childish hands and wrists in the full, tapering sleeves of the pretty blue sailor suit——in short, my whole touching and astonishing little figure captured all hearts. When I finished with a full sweep of the bow across all the fiddle-strings, the garden resounded with applause and delighted cries from male and female throats. The bandmaster stowed my bow and fiddle safely away and I was set down on the ground, where I was overwhelmed with praises and caresses. The most aristocratic ladies and gentlemen stroked my hair, patted my cheeks and hands, called me an angel child and an amazing little devil. An old Russian princess in violet silk and white side-curls took my head between her beringed hands and kissed my brow, all beaded as it was with perspiration. Then in a pitch of enthusiasm she snatched a lyre-shaped diamond brooch from her throat and with a perfect torrent of ecstatic French pinned it on the front of my blouse. My family approached and my father made excuses for the defects of my playing on the score of my tender years. I was escorted to the confectioner's, where at three different tables I was regaled with chocolate and cream cakes. The scions of the noble family of Siebenklingen, whom I had admired from afar while they regarded me with cold disdain, came up and asked me to play croquet, and while our parents drank coffee together I went off with the children in the seventh heaven of delight, my diamond brooch upon my blouse. That was one of the happiest days of my life, perhaps quite the happiest. The cry was set up that I should play again; actually the management of the Casino approached my father and asked for an encore; but he refused, saying that he had only permitted me to play by way of exception and that repeated public appearances were not con- sistent with my social position. And besides our stay in Bad Langenschwalbach was drawing to a close. I wish now to speak of my godfather Maggotson, by no means an ordinary man. He was short and thickset in build, with thin and prematurely grey hair, which he wore parted over one ear and brushed across his crown. He was clean-shaven, with a hooked nose and thin, compressed lips, and wore large round glasses with celluloid rims. His face was further remarkable for the fact that it was bald above the eyes, having no brows to speak of; also for the somewhat acidulous disposition it betrayed——to which, indeed, he was wont to give expression in words, as for instance in his cynical explanation of the name he bore. "Nature," he would say, "is full of corruption and blow-flies, and I am her offspring. Therefore I am called Maggotson. But as for why I am called Felix, that God alone knows." He came from Cologne, where he had once moved in the best social circles and often acted as carnival steward. But for reasons which remained obscure he had been obliged to leave Cologne; he had gone into retirement in our little town, where he very soon——a considerable time before my birth——became an intimate of our household. At all our eve- ning companies he was a regular and indispensable guest and in high favour with young and old. He would purse his lips and fix the ladies through his round glasses, with appraising eyes, until they would screech for mercy, putting their hands before their faces and begging him to turn away his gaze. Apparently they feared the penetrating artist eye; but he, it would seem, did not share in their awe of his calling, and not infrequently made ironic allusions to the nature of artists. "Phidias," he would say, "also called Pheidias, was a man of more than average gifts——as might perhaps be gathered from the fact that he was convicted for theft and put in jail at Athens for having appropriated to his own use the gold and ivory entrusted to him for his statue of Athena. But Pericles, who had discovered him, had him set free, thereby prov- ing himself to be a connoisseur not only of art but of artists as well; and Phidias——or Pheidias——went to Olympia, where he was commissioned to make the great chryselephantine stature of the Olympian Zeus. But what did he do? He stole the gold and ivory again——and there in the prison at Olympia he died. An extraordi- nary combination, my friends. But that is the way people are. They want people to be talented——which is already something out of the ordinary. But when it comes to the other qualities which go with the talents——and perhaps are essential to them—— oh, no, they don't care for these at all, they refuse to have any understanding of them." Thus my godfather. I have set down his remarks verbatim because he repeats them so often that I know them by heart. I have said that we live on terms of mutual regard; yes, I be- lieve that I enjoyed his especial favour, and often as I grew older it was my especial delight to serve as his model, dressing up in all sorts of costumes, of which he possessed a large and varied collec- tion. His studio was a sort of lumber-room with a large window under the roof of a little house standing by itself down on the Rhine. He rented this house and lived in it with an old serving- woman, and there I would pose for him hours at a time, perched on a rude model-throne while he brushed and scraped and painted away. Several times I sat for him in the nude for a large picture with a Greek mythological subject, destined to adorn the dining- room of a wine-dealer in Mainz. When I did this my godfather was not chary of his praise; and indeed I was a little like a young god, slender, graceful, yet powerful in build, with a golden skin and proportions that lacked little of perfection. If there was a fault it lay in that my legs were a little too short; but my god- father consoled me for this defect by saying the Goethe, that prince of the intellect, had been short-legged too and certainly had never been hampered thereby. The hours devoted to these sittings form an especial chapter in my memory. Yet I enjoy even more, I think, the "dressing up" itself; and that took place not only in the studio but at our house as well. Often when my godfather was to sup with us he would send up a large bundle of costumes, wigs, and accessories and try them all on me after the meal, sketching any particularly good effect on the lid of a pasteboard box. "He has a head for costumes," he would say, meaning that everything became me, and that in each disguise which I assumed I looked better and more natural than in the last. I might appear as a Roman flute-player in a short smock, a wreath of roses twined in my black locks; as an English page in snug-fitting satin with lace collar and plumed hat; as a Spanish bullfighter in spangled jacket and large round sombrero; as a youthful abbé of the Watteau period, with cap and bands, mantle and buckled shoes; as an Austrian officer in white military tunic with sash and agger; or as a German mountaineer in leather shorts and hob- nailed boots, with the bock's-beard stuck in his green felt hat—— whatever the costume, the mirror assured me that I was born to wear it, and my audience declared that I looked to the life exactly the person whom I aimed to represent. My godfather even as- serted that with the aid of costume and wig I seemed able to put on not only whatever social rank or national characteristics I chose, but I could actually adapt myself to any given period or century. For each age, my godfather would say, imparts to its children its own physiognomical stamp; whereas I, in the costume of a Florentine dandy of the end of the Middle Ages, could look as though I had stepped from a contemporary portrait, and yet be no less convincing in the full-bottomed wig which was the fashionable ideal of a later century.——Ah, those were glorious hours! But when they were over and I resumed my dull and ordinary dress, how stale, flat, and unprofitable seemed all the world by contrast, in what deep dejection did I spend the rest of the evening! Of my godfather I shall say no more in this place. Later on, at the end of my strenuous career, this extraordinary man inter- vened decisively in my destiny and saved me from despair. I search my mind for further impressions of my youth, and am reminded at once of the day when I first attended the theatre, at Wiesbaden, with my parents. I should interpolate here that in what I have so far set down I have not too anxiously adhered to the chronological order but have treated my younger days as a whole and moved freely within them from episode to episode. When I posed to my godfather as a Greek god I was sixteen or seventeen year old and thus no longer a child, though very back- wards at school. But my first visit to the theatre fell in my four- teenth year——though even so my physical and mental maturity, as will presently be seen, was well advanced and my sensitive- ness to certain classes of impressions much keener than is or- dinarily the case. What I saw that evening made the strongest impression on me and gave me food for perennial reflection. We had first visited a Viennese café, where I drank sweet punch and my father imbibed absinthe through a straw——and this al- ready was calculated to stir me to my depths. But how put into words the fever which possessed me when we drove in a droshky to the theatre and entered the lighted auditorium with its tiers of boxes? The women fanning their bosoms in the bal- cony, the men leaning over their chairs to chat; the hum and buzz of conversation in the stalls where we presently took our seats; the odours which streamed from hair and clothing to mingle with that of the illuminating gas; the confusion of sounds as the orchestra tuned up; the voluptuous frescoes displaying whole cascade of rosy foreshortenings——certainly all this could not but spur my youthful senses and prepare my mind for all the extraordinary scenes to follow. I had never before save in church seen so many people gathered together; and this playhouse, with its impressively complex seating-arrangements and its elevated stage where the elect, in brilliant costumes and to musical accom- paniment, performed their dialogues and dances and developed the activities required by the plot——certainly all that was in my eyes a church where pleasure was the god; where men in need of edification gathered in the darkness to gaze upwards open- mouthed at a sphere of bright perfection where each saw em- bodied the desire of his heart. The piece was an unpretentious offering to the comic muse—— I have even forgotten its name. Its scene was laid in Paris, which delighted my poor father's heart, and it centred round the figure of and idle young attaché, the traditional fascinator and lady- killer, played by the highly popular leading man, whose name was Müller-Rosé. I heard his real name from my father, who rejoiced in his personal acquaintance, and the picture of this man will remain forever in my memory. He is probably old and worn- out by now, like me, but at that time his power to dazzle all the world, myself included, made upon me so strong an impression that it belongs to the decisive experiences of my life. I say to dazzle, and it will be seen hereafter how much meaning I would convey by that word. But first I will essay to set down from my still very lively recollections the impression which Müller-Rosé made upon me. On his first entrance he was dressed all in black—— yet he radiated brilliance. He was supposed to come from some resort of the gay world and to be slightly intoxicated——a state which he knew how to counterfeit to perfection, yet without any suggestion of grossness. He wore a black cloak with a satin lining, patent-leather shoes, evening dress, white kid gloves, and a top hat which sat far back on his glistening locks, arranged in the then fashionable military parting, which ran all the way to the back of the neck. And every article of all this was so irre- proachable, so well-pressed, and sat with a flawless perfection such as in real life could not endure above a quarter of an hour and made him seem like a being from another world. In particular the top hat, light-heartedly askew on his head, was the very pat- tern and mirror of what a top hat should be, without one grain of dust and with the most beautiful reflections, exactly as though they had been painted on. And this superb figure had a face to match, of a rosy fineness like wax, with almond-shaped, black- rimmed yes, a small, short, straight nose and an extremely clear- cut, coral-red mouth and a little black moustache, even as though it were drawn with a paint-brush, following the outline of his arched upper lip. Reeling with a supple poise such as drunken men in everyday life do not possess, he gave his hat and stick to an attendant, slipped out of his cloak, and stood there in full evening fig, with diamond studs in his pleated shirt-front. As he drew off his gloves, laughing and rattling on in a silvery voice, you could see that his hands were white as milk outside and adorned with diamond rings, but inside pink like his face. He stood before the footlights at one side of the stage and trilled the first verse of a song all about what a wonderful life it was to be an attaché and a favourite with the ladies. Then he spread out his arms and snapped his fingers and waltzed apparently delirious with bliss over to the other side of the stage, where he sang the second verse and made his exit. Being recalled by loud applause, he sang the third and last verse in front of the prompter's box. And then with easy grace he began unfolding his rôle as called for by the plot. He was supposed to be very rich, which in itself lent his figure an almost magical charm. He appeared in a suc- cession of "changes": immaculate white sports clothes with a red belt; a full-dress, slightly outré uniform——yes, in one delicate and hair-raising situation, pale-blue silk underdrawers. The com- plications of the plot were audacious, adventurous, and risqué by turns. One saw him at the feet of a countess, at a champagne supper with two predatory daughters of joy, and standing with raised pistol confronting his fatuous rival in a duel. And not one of those elegant but strenuous occupations had power to derange one fold of his shirt-front, extinguish any of the brilliance of his top hat, or deepen the delicate tint of his complexion. He moved so easily within the frame of the musical and dramatic conven- tions that they seemed, so far from restricting him, to release him from the limitations of everyday life. He seemed pervaded to the finger-tips by a magic which we know how to express only by the vague and inadequate word "talent"——the exercise of which obviously gave him as much pleasure as it did us. He would fit his fingers round the silver crook of his cane, would let his hands glide into his trouser pockets, and these actions, even his getting out of a chair, his very exits and entrances, had a quality of con- scious gratification which filled the heart of the beholder with joy. Yes, that was it: Müller-Rosé heightened our joy of life—— if the phrase is adequate to express that feeling, mingled of pain and pleasure, envy, yearning, hope, and irresistible love which the sight of the consummately charming can kindle in the human soul. The public in the stalls was composed of middle-class citizens and their wives, clerks, one-year service men, and little girls in blouses; and despite the rapture of my own sensations I was able and eager to look about me and interpret the feelings of the audi- ence. On all these faces sat a look of almost silly bliss. They were rapt in self-forgetful absorption, a smile played about their lips, sweeter and more lively in the little shop-girls, more brooding and dreamy in the grown-up women, while on the faces of the men it expressed the benevolent admiration which simple fathers feel in the presence of sons who have passed beyond their own sphere and realized the dreams of their youth. As for clerks and the young soldiers, everything stood wide open in their upturned faces——eyes, mouths, nostrils, everything. And their smiles seemed to be saying: "Suppose it was us, standing up there in our under- drawers——how should we be making out? And look how he knows how to behave with those shameless hussies, just as though he were no better than they!"——When Müller-Rosé left the stage a power seemed to have gone out of the audience, all their shoul- ders sagged. When he stormed triumphantly from the back-stage to the footlights, holding a note with arms outspread, every bosom seemed to heave in his direction and the ladies' satin bodices creaked at the seams. Yes, as we sat there in the darkness we were like a swarm of night-flying insects rushing blind, dumb, and drunken into the flame. My father was royally entertained. He had followed the French custom and carried hat and stick into the theatre with him. When the curtain fell he put on the one and with the other banged on the floor loud and long. "C'est épatant," said he several times, quite weak with enthusiasm. At last it was all over and we were outside in the lobby, among a crowd of clerks who were quite up- lifted and trying to walk, talk, and hold their canes like the hero of the evening. My father said to me: "Come along, let's go and shake hands with him. Good Lord, weren't we on pretty good terms once, Müller and I? He will be delighted to see me again." So we instructed our ladies to wait for us in the vestibule and went off to pay our respects. We passed through the director's box, next the stage and already dark, then through a little door and behind the scenes. Stage-hands were clearing away in the eerie darkness. A little creature in red livery, who had been a lift-boy in the play, stood leaning against the wall sunk in reverie. My poor father pinched her playfully where her figure was amplest and asked her the way to the dressing-rooms, which she pointed out with rather an ill grace. We went through a whitewashed corridor, where uncovered gas-jets flared in the confined air. From behind several doors issued loud laughter or angry voices, and my father gestured with his thumb to call my attention to them as we went on. At the end of the narrow passage he knocked on the last door, laying his ear to his knuckle. From within came a gruff shout: "Who's there?" or "What the devil do you want?" or words to that effect. "May I come in?" asked my father in reply, where upon the voice instructed him to do something else with which I would not sully the pages of my narrative. My father smiled his deprecating little smile and called through the door: "Müller, it's Krull, Englebert Krull. I suppose I may shake you by the hand, after all these years?" There was a laugh from inside and the voice said: " kjhkh, so it's you, old horse! Always on the hunt for some sport, eh?" And as we opened the door it went on: "I sup- pose you won't take any harm from my nakedness!" We went in. I shall never forget the disgusting sight that offered itself to my boyish eyes. Müller-Rosé was seated at a grubby dressing-table in front of a dusty and speckled mirror with side wings. He had nothing on but a pair of grey tricot drawers, and a man in shirt-sleeves was mas- saging his back, the sweat running down his own face. The actor's visage glistened with salve and he was busy wiping it off with a towel already stiff with rouge and grease paint. Half of his coun- tenance still had the rosy coating which had made him radiant on the stage but now he looked merely pink and silly beside the cheesy pallor of the man's natural complexion. He had taken off the chestnut-brown wig and I saw that he was red-haired. One of his eyes still had deep black shadows beneath it and metallic dust clung to the lashes; the other was inflamed and watery and leered up at us with an indescribably gamin expression. All this I might have borne. But not the pimples with which Müller-Rosé's back, chest, shoulders, and upper arms were thickly strewn. They were horrible pimples, red-rimmed, suppurating, some of them even bleeding; even today I cannot repress a shudder at the thought of them. I find that our capacity for disgust is in direct proportion to our capacity for enjoyment, to our eagerness for the pleasures which this world can give. A cool and indifferent nature could never be so shake by disgust as I was at that moment. Worst of all was the air of the room, compounded of sweat and exhalations from the pots and jars and sticks of grease paint which strewed the table. At first I thought I could not stand it above a minute without being sick. However, I stood and looked——but I can add nothing to this description of Müller-Rosé's dressing-room. Perhaps I should re- proach myself for having so little that is objective to report of my first visit to a theatre——if I were not writing primarily for my own amusement and only secondarily for any public I may have. I am not bent on sustaining any dramatic suspense, leaving such ef- fects to the writers of imaginative tales, who must contrive to give their inventions the beautiful and symmetrical proportions of a work of art——whereas my material is derived from my own expe- riences alone and I feel I may dispose it as seems to me good. Thus I shall linger upon such events as were of especial value or signifi- cance to me, neglecting no necessary detail to bring them out; passing over more lightly those of less personal moment. I have well-nigh forgotten what passed between my father and Müller- Rosé on that occasion——probably because other matters took my attention. For it is undoubtedly true that we receive stronger im- pressions through the senses than through the mind. I recall that the singer——though surely the applause which had greeted him that evening must have left him in no great doubt as to his tri- umph——kept asking my father whether it had "gone over" or how well it had "gone over." I perfectly understood how he felt. I have even a vague memory of some rather ordinary turns of phrase which he wove into the conversation, as for instance, in reply to some insinuation of my father's: "Shut your jaw——" then adding in the same breath: "over a quid of tobacco, there's some on the stand." But, as I said, I lent but half an ear to this or other specimens of his mental quality, being altogether taken up by my own sense impressions. "So this, then"——ran my thoughts——" this pimpled and smeary individual is the charmer at whom the indistinguished masses were just now gazing up blissful-eyed! This repulsive worm is the reality of the glorious butterfly in whom all those deluded on- lookers thought to see realized all their own secret dreams of beauty, grace, and perfection! He is just like one of those disgust- ing little creatures which have the power of being phosphorescent in the evening." But the grown-up people in the audience, who on the whole must know about life and who yet were so frightfully eager to be deceived, must they not have been aware of the decep- tion? Or did they just privately not consider it one? And that is quite possible. For when you come to think about it, which is the "real" shape of the glow-worm: the insignificant little creature crawling about on the flat of your hand, or the poetic spark that swims through the summer night? Who would presume to say? Rather call up the picture you saw before: the swarms of moths and gnats, rushing blindly and irresistibly into the flame. With what unanimity in the work of self-delusion! What can it be, then, but such an instinctive need as this is implanted by God Him- self in the heart of man, to satisfy which the Müller-Rosés are cre- ated? Here beyond a doubt is operative in life a wise and indis- pensible economy, in the service of which such men are kept and rewarded. How much admiration is his due for the success which he achieved tonight and achieves every night! Let us then smother what disgust we feel, in the realization that he knows all about his frightful pimples and yet——with the help of grease paint, lighting, music, and distance——can move before his audience with such complete assurance as to make them see in him their heart's ideal and thereby endlessly to enliven and edifying them. And more: let us ask ourselves what it was that urged this miserable mountebank to learn the art of transfiguring himself nightly. What are the secret sources of the charm which possessed him and radiated from his finger-tips? The question needs but to be asked to be an- swered: who does not know the magic, the ineffable sweetness—— to which any words we have are all too pale——of the power which teaches the glow-worm to light the night? This man could not hear too often nor too emphatically that his performance gave pleasure, pleasure beyond the ordinary. It was the yearning of all his being towards that host of yearning souls, it was that inspired and winged his art. He gave us joy of life, we in our turn sated his craving for applause; and was this not a mutual satisfaction, a true marriage of desires? The above lines indicate the main current of the thoughts which surged through my eager and overheated brain as I sat there in Müller-Rosé's dressing-room, yes, and for days and weeks after- wards possessed my musings and my dreams. And always they were accompanied by emotions so profound and shattering, such a drunkenness of yearning, hope, and joy, that even today, despite my great fatigue, the memory of them makes my heart beat faster. In those days my feelings were of such violence that they threat- ened to burst my frame; often they made me somewhat ailing and thus served me as a pretext for stopping away from school. It would be superfluous to dwell upon the reasons for my grow- ing aversion to this odious institution. I am only able to live when my mind and my fancy are completely free; and thus it is that the memory of my years in prison is actually less hateful to me than those of the ostensibly more honourable bond of slavery and fear which chafed my sensitive boyish soul when I was forced to at- tend at the ugly little white box of a school-building down in the town. Add to these feelings the isolation from which I suffered, the grounds of which I have set forth above, and it will surprise nobody that I early had the idea of taking more holidays than the law allowed.
From Thomas Mann: Stories of Three Decades, Translated from the German by H. T. Lowe-Porter. Copyright, 1930, 1931, 1934, 1935, 1936, by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. The Modern Library edition, Random House, Inc. pp. 349—360. https://old.reddit.com/wtc7gifs
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